he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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