He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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