normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
