I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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