He is such a slut. More and more my type.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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