Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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