Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
