The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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