she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
