why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
