I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
