I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
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I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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