someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
