I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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