allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
