i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
