I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
