This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
