i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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