He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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