I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Randomize
