she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We have started to decorate penises.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
