she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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