And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
