Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
