she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
