I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I am available for nakedness
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
