i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
be right there i have to get my cape
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
