Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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