my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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