Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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