You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
