I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
