before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
