I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
