Pregnant stripper...not hot.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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