Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
