omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
