So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
