Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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