i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
