Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
