apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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