I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
