I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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