I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
