Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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