New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I need moral support for this bender
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
