I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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