can we get nightvision for the apartment?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Randomize
