You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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